If you’ve been staying current with Medgadget, you’ve probably noticed that we like to review fitness trackers. They’re convenient, fairly stylish, and offer a lot of useful information about your daily activity. However, they pretty much all consist of an accelerometer with sophisticated software to process the data. For that reason, we’ve yet to find a fitness wearable deserving of our unequaled praise.
However, we believe we’ve found a winner: Introducing Nike +Runlogic, a bracelet that was announced this week on America’s most trusted news source, The Onion. +Runlogic takes fitness tracking far beyond step counting with sophisticated algorithms to explain why you’re exercising. For example, say you’re contemplating the meaning of your fleeting existence here on the planet? +Runlogic tracks this. Are you in a loveless marriage? +Runlogic understands this and uses your inner pain to push your fitness to unprecedented levels. Are you taking a late-night run after realizing that you’re lonely and have no friends? +Runlogic detects this and can automatically calculate running routes up and down hills, through desolate forests and vast plains that allow you to come to terms with your angst. We knew Nike +Runlogic was going to be a quantified-self game changer when it could repeatedly detect that we were questioning if the Hokey Pokey really is what it’s all about.
Never have we seen a device so existential, which makes Nike +Runlogic a winner in our book. That’s because while other fitness wearables track your daily activities, +Runlogic touches your soul.
More info from The Onion: New Nike Running App Tells You What You’re Really Running From
(Hat tip: GIzmodo)