Pseudoscience Fridays: eBay!

Get ready for our newest feature’s sophomore editition. Last week, we shook with laughter at bioresonance therapy. This week’s target: eBay! Actually, we’ve got nothing against eBay (where else are you going to find the rear window switch for a 1985 4Runner when the dealer wants $75?), but if ever there was a place to waste money on a “medical” device, eBay’s the place. Of course, there’s the usual male enhancement devices, some weird chiropractic tool (for $400), and an acupuncture pen that doesn’t actually do any puncturing, but click through for the real eBay gems…

First off, we’ve got an EMI/EMF filter from Wavetech. To be fair, their entry is carefully worded so as not to make any unscrupulous claims outright. Each paragraph opens with a disclaimer, followed (of course) by a very suggestive statement…

Why is EMI/EMF harmful?
While the efforts of EMI/EMF on the health of human beings and animals are not yet fully understood, initial studies seem to indicate that EMI/EMF could have a harmful effect on living tissue.
Some studies show a possible link between exposure to EMI/EMF and a reduction in the body’s natural flow of calcium back and forth between EMI/EMF and certain types of cancer.
As a safety precaution, most industrialized nations have established standards for measuring and protecting people from exposure to unduly high levels of EMI/EMF.
Which products produce the highest levels of EMI/EMF?
In General, the products we use with the greatest frequency and for the longest duration of time are those most likely to expose us to the greatest levels of EMI/EMF.
They include Cordless and Cellular Phone, Pagers, Specialized Mobile Radio(SMR) Phones, Humidifier, Hair Dryer, TV, Computers, Vacuum Cleaners, Electric Games, Microwave Ovens, Electric Shavers, Electric Carpets, Electric Blankets, etc.

…so basically anything powered by electricity. If, as they claim, EMI is caused just by the presence of 60Hz 120V AC power, then you’d better stay away from light bulbs and the walls of your house as well. So, how does their filter protect us from all this (unclear) danger?

EMI Filter acts in much the same way as a lightning rod, safely conducting the EMI energy away to ground. By simply plugging up to 2 electrical or electronic devices into each e-Wave Tech, you can effectively reduce exposure to EMI to yourself and your family.

Huh? That’s it? No reference to non-hertzian frequencies, specially engineered nano alloy hexagonal rings? If everything they claim above is true, there’s no way you could actually operate those devices without them emiting an EMF (that’s basically how they work). So…for your $9.99, you’ll be getting a funny looking outlet splitter. Check out the EMI/EMF ad for some great scientific looking pictures that mean absolutely nothing.
Next up is this colorful disc thingamajig. Apparently, just by placing it on “an area that needs attention” it will relieve stress (we’ll let you make the joke that goes here). The claims are as wide-reaching as they could be…

Anyone who feels emotionally unstable, who tires easily, who is going through periods of stress, who is chronically ill, who has sustained an injury, who has difficulty sleeping, or is nervous, anxious, fearful, angry, sad, depressed or suicidal can benefit from this disc.

But how does it work?

Each 2 inch disc is hand built by layering prismatic imagery between glass(remember glass is quartz), then banding copper to the edges. This combination of elements produce a very high frequency set of vibrations to quickly enter our energy field.

It’s been our experience that things entering into one’s “energy field” cause stress rather than relieve it. The “STRESS RELEASE HEALING ENERGY DEVICE DIAL A COLOR“, is perfect for stressed out gay Jewish people everywhere.
We’ve saved the best for last. The title really sets the careful scientific tone of the device: “IMMORTALITY DEVICE Magnetic Finger RINGS Alex Chiu,” subheading: “New Invention Allows Humans to Live Forever!!!”. Might be tough to poke some holes in this argument, but we’ll try.

No pseudoscience is complete without ACTUAL CUSTOMER TESTIMONIALS!! . Even if they are real, their rhetorical style might reveal something about the customers themselves…

I would just like to tell you you’r magnetic ring’s I orderd are out of this world! and my pain was gone in one night of wearing them wowow! thank you so much ! my elbow feel’s great and I know now I can gogogogo with no more pain! also I have told everyone about these so be ready for more order’s .thank’s agin have a great life! best wishes to all of you there!alisa wright here in wheatland wyoming

Still not sure if “alisa’s” last name is “wright” or she means to say “right here…”. Enough mocking the testimonials, how do they work?

The device is made of two magnetic rings that you have to wear on your little fingers, with the right polarities….According to Alex Chiu (the inventor), based on his testimonies, facts, and proofs, people are believed to be able to stay physically young forever by using his new invention “The Eternal Life Rings”. The Eternal Life Rings are to be worn on both small fingers of a person during sleep. These rings consist of rare earth ferrite magnets and plastic braces which hold magnets onto the fingers of the user. The inventor explained that the fingers and toes are the negative (-) and positive (+) terminals of your body.
When placing the magnetic devices, the magnetic pole on the right side of the human body is opposite to the left side. With a opposite pole on each side of the human body, blood circulation and electric current of the body are enhanced. The enhanced blood circulation and electric current increase metabolism in order to fight the aging process
The Eternal Life Rings are believed to allow humans to stay physically young forever or turn humans physically younger (Our lawyer told us to use the word “believe”)

We’re pretty much out of space here, so let’s just say your lawyer is a wise, wise man. One last confidence builder…

FDA (www.fda.gov) has NOT stopped his business.

Link
[Note: we realize that these auctions might be over if you’re reading this at some point in the future. We’re sorry you won’t be able to follow the links posted here. However, if you search using the titles or product names listed, you can probably find new listings very similar to these, as most of the items were coming from large-volume eBay merchants. -ed]