Top 10 Worst Medgadget Ideas

What do caffeinated pantyhose and a camel-derived caffeine dipstick have in common? Some of you might think it’s that they both involve caffeine. Well played. But hopefully the rest of you will realize that they’re both terrible medgadget ideas. And we have eight more where those came from! Carefully hand-picked from our 2006 archives, this list will hopefully deter medgadget wannabes from inventing the next ropeless jump rope. So without further ado, but with much dread, we begin:
10. Menopause beer:
Why would anyone ever drink this, let alone ask for it by name? I would think that someone would have to have at least a sixpack before they could approach a bartender and ask, “Menopause beer, please.” {though it might be worth it if the bartender replies, “In a flash!” — ed.}
9. Jumprope sans rope:
Other than mimes, we’re still racking our brains to understand why anyone would want something like this. It’s like playing basketball without the ball (which they make you do when you’re auditioning for game shows as a kid, suprisingly enough. But that’s another story.) Perhaps that’s what it’s for…
9. Caffeinated pantyhose:
If coffee, caffeinated breath mints, caffeinated gum, and good old fashioned pure caffeine powder just aren’t enough for you, I suppose you’ll have to have your caffeinated pantyhose as well. We’re skeptical about its claims that it helps you lose weight, but also curious how guys are supposed to get their fair share of dermas diffused doses of caffeine! (caffeinated boxers, maybe?)
7. Hazmat-suit for kids:
Definitely a good idea for halloween, but for nuclear/biological warfare? We’re not sure. Perhaps the bombs will stop falling when they see how cute your child looks in this hazard suit.
6. Odor stopping dog-thong:
Isn’t it bad enough that some dogs have to wear sweaters? Just one word needs to be said about a fart-stopping device for dogs… why?
5. Camel Caffeine Dipstick:
“Did the waitress give me decaf when I asked for regular?” You won’t ever have to wonder anymore, with this hot-water resistant caffeine assay. (You can also soak your caffeinated pantyhose in boiling water and make sure that they’re truly caffeinated — let us know the results!)
4. Tylenol Flavor Creator:
First, your kids are whipping up their own flavors of tylenol. Then they’ll be creating tropical-fruit-punch ritalin. Before you know it they’ll be free-basing and making lemonade flavored crystal meth … and you’ll regret ever letting them set foot near this pharmaceutical conspiracy. Best to let them stick with Fun Dip candy.
3. Anty, the Pediatric Robot Caregiver:
Explaining complex medical information to kids, consoling them, and caring for them in their most desperate hours is a challenging task for any parent or caregiver. So instead of spending time with these sick kids, why not entrust their well-being to a plastic robot?
2. Truth Phone:
The development of the truth phone seems has some similarities to menopause beer (engineering against all common sense). The phone won’t let you call someone unless you’re legally drunk. Who would actually carry something like this around?
1. The Oozinator:
Unfortunately I don’t have the security clearance to reveal any information about this medgadget. It was a dark time in Medgadget.com history, but we’re all better people because of it.
Well, there you have it. Just a small sampling of the large selection of funny, potentially harmful, and offensive medgadgets we’ve featured on the site, this year. If you would like to add some more to our list, or know of some devices that are actually based on good ideas, send them to tips-at-medgadget-dot-com.