The New York Times takes a look at a myriad of skin-care devices, some electrical, some based on light therapy, but all of which offer cosmetic miracles and promises of eternal youth.

A snippet:

Though the fight against wrinkles long ago went high tech (and high cost), it is only recently that technologies such as pulsing heat, L.E.D.s and electrical currents have become safe and easy enough for consumers to use on themselves. Years after women first started recreating professional treatments with at-home spa days, a growing array of devices have migrated from the aesthetician's office to the bathroom, where they now compete with topical solutions, medications and other prescribed remedies to combat aging...

"One of the major issues with these home-use devices is they promise more than they can deliver," said Dr. Arielle Kauvar, a dermatologist and associate professor at New York University School of Medicine who specializes in laser-assisted treatments. The claims they make -- that skin will be tightened or fine lines and wrinkles minimized -- are largely cosmetic, so the manufacturers do not need approval by the Food and Drug Administration, only clearance, said Dr. Kauvar, which is easier to get.

A manufacturer that claims scientific proof of its product's effectiveness is probably using the term loosely. For example, the makers of the RejuvaWand, an L.E.D.-based massaging tool said to "reverse the signs of aging" that came on the market in February, promote their two-month clinical trial. But the trial involved only 36 women, with no controls. Of the 36 women, 31 reported their skin had improved, said Marc Maisel, a company founder. The participants used a gel with hyaluronic acid, which also can plump skin, Dr. Kauvar said.

NYT: You Can Smooth or Zap but Will the Results Hit Home?

A direct result of this research program was the development of the Neurovasc, a unique vacuum device that restructures the superficial components of the body. The Neurovasc eradicates pain by lifting and separating the layers of injured tissue, releasing entrapped nerves that cause pain. According to Brooks, the treatment also influences patients' brain chemistry and allows them to regain control over their lives when acute and chronic pain is relieved. With lower pain levels, patients report reduced stress, depression and anxiety levels; this also facilitates reducing patients' dependency on caffeine, alcohol and/or medication.

"Pain and stress compounded with substance abuse will eventually kill you," Brooks says. "The very tragic event involving Anna Nicole Smith focused public attention on this issue."

Alas, there are no pictures of this incredible technology, just a link to the Brooks Center -- dedicated to "Pursuing the Dynamic Fusion of Human Potential" -- whatever that means.

We learned a little more about this device from the "Articles" tab at the Brooks Center website (only one article is listed). The Article is not exactly peer reviewed, and rests heavily on a series of press releases from University of Michigan (though elsewhere on in the paper, the researchers are said to work at Michigan State).

A pseudoscience spectacular awaits as we begin reading the paper, which was written by Ron Brooks -- and Michael Prior, who is listed as a PhD but labeled as "General Council" -- it sounds like he was going for "General Counsel" but got the wrong doctorate. The paper opens with tripe like this:

In early 2007 we all witnessed what we consider a very tragic event involving Anna Nicole Smith. She gave birth to a daughter and lost her son all in a moment. There is no greater trauma than a loss of a child. This was obviously compounded by the abuse of some powerful medications; can you imagine what the poor woman's brain chemistry was doing? Perhaps this explains some of the bizarre behavior we saw before her subsequent overdose and death. This sequence of events is being played out in our country on a daily basis.

We now know that the brain has neurons that are correctly programmed to produce, send, and receive a specific biochemical. Each biochemical, called neurotransmitters, travels along a different nerve pathway, resulting in a variety of physical processes. The pain signal comes into the brain and is processed by different parts of the brain for responses. The body's anti-pain system is activated and at the same time the chemical dopamine is released which acts as interface between stress and emotions.

Finally, they get to the point:

At this time in our research program we began to look at all of the available mechanical devices used for soft tissue manipulation. We tried these without success. Finally, we discovered an existing vacuum device used in the esthetics business, called Eureduc. At the time this device was used to reduce irregular bumps (cottage cheese) on women's thighs. We began to use this device in conjunction with cryotherapy and vasopump, and immediately found we could reduce the "Hydraulic Effect". This made it much easier to decompress the tissue. The upward force of the vacuum was also considerably more comfortable for the patient than the pressure from manipulating the tissue by hand.

We look forward to the clinical trials that demonstrate how decades-old anti-cellulite device can provide lasting changes to brain chemistry and the body's perception of pain. But we won't hold our breath. Perhaps the secret is that the Brooks Center researchers apply the vacuum directly to the patient's brain, sucking out all the neurons responsible for signaling pain. To continue to fool the public, however, these charlatans will have to target our brains' centers of reasoning.

A quick update on the WhoIsSick.org story. We have contacted BoingBoing's David Pescovitz, a celebrated science journalist and writer-in-residence for UC Berkeley's College of Engineering, for an explanation. Mr. Pescovitz, however, has stuck his head in the sand and has decided to ignore questions from us, as he really has no explanation. Referring to WhoIsSick.org as today's equivalent of Dr. John Snow's efforts to map cholera in London in 1854 shows fundamental lack of understanding by Mr. Pescovitz of what science is. Throwing questionably collected data on the map is not science. For BoingBoing, however, the definition of science seems to be any feel-good, user-generated content.

Also, our very own almost-MD Josh searched through Medgadget archives and uncovered a story about HEALTHmap Global Disease Tracker, an effort by two doctors at Children's Hospital Informatics Program in Boston.

From that article:

"While working on a state-funded program to track disease outbreaks in Massachusetts, the two discovered some inconsistencies in how information is reported. Some sources, such as ProMed-mail, provide very specific data that is verified by medical experts, but the process can be lengthy. At the other extreme, newspaper articles and blog entries come out far more quickly, but they are more likely to contain errors such as unconfirmed reports about avian flu infections in a country.

"You always have this trade-off between timeliness and specificity," said Brownstein."

As Josh says, "... at least they realize the scientific trade-offs between speed and accuracy. Their site also gives readers the option to map only information from credible sources like ProMed, WHO, etc... None of this Johnny-come-lately, i think i have a fever b/c my temp is 99.1..."

Also, if you have not followed our discussion at WhoIsSick post, then check it out. Your opinion will count.

When we were first contacted by PT Lee, a proprietor of Who Is Sick?, to report about this new people-driven website, we were dismissive. After all, the website is a hypochondriac's dream in action. Anyone, sick or not, can enter any symptoms and chart one's location on the map for others to see. (As in the map above, one Golden Gate Park dweller has a runny nose; three multi-symptom objects are floating in the SF Bay.)

When the site gets widespread, no-questions-asked coverage across the blogosphere, and BoingBoing enthusiastically proclaims that the site is comparable to efforts of the father of epidemiology Dr. John Snow's efforts to map cholera in London in 1854, we take it personally.

Putting aside a well-known tendency of BoingBoing to sensationalize anything (and, if it's new or populist, not to question it), here's a reminder to our readers. There is a difference between an observation and the scientific method. The peasant experience has not produced penicillin in 5,000 years of human history, but the scientific method did. If checking other people's hypochondria is your cup of tea: go ahead and indulge yourself. But don't call it epidemiology.

Will such a site ever be useful? Probably not. Run by people who cannot distinguish between fever and chills, vertigo and dizziness, and a host of other related and interrelated symptoms, such a site will never be a scientific tool. Just a screaming point for BoingBoing perhaps.

We have so many problems with this article, it's hard to know where to begin. How about this paragraph:

The 39-year-old is so sensitive to the electromagnetic field (emf) or 'smog' created by computers, mobile phones, microwave ovens and even some cars, that she develops a painful skin rash and her eyelids swell to three times their size if she goes near them.

The patient's claims of skin rashes and eyelid swelling are unquantified -- it's ok if this journalist isn't a doctor, but really, there are some pertinent questions to ask: Where are the rashes? When does the eyelid swelling start? How long does it last? What, specifically, has triggered it? Why now, and not when microwaves and cordless phones became common in the 1980's? I think readers would want to know this. But all we get is that nonsensicle picture of a scarred forehead, with a caption about swollen eyelids that aren't even pictured. Really, if you look at the photo too long, you can feel the irritation developing in your own forehead.

And, to be clear, no one has a "microwave allergy," any more than people have an allergy to fire. Microwaves burn. Now, if this patient's microwave has a broken or ill-fitting door, the energy could leak out during operation, heating and burning skin or objects close by. But I doubt her problems are so easily identifiable, reproducible, or curable. (One way to check for leakage is to place your cell phone inside the microwave and try calling it - if it rings, there's leakage.)

We experience this problem every day in the ER, when well-meaning patients point out they're "allergic" to things like Tylenol, because they vomited within two hours of taking it, back when they were eight. Someone once told me he was allergic to calcium, because it burned when it went through his IV. Allergic to calcium!

No. There's correlation, and there's causation. Allergies are real hypersensitive responses to innocuous materials (but, you know, less innocuous than electromagnetic waves). Rashes, blisters, hives, vomiting -- these can all be manifestations of allergies, but having these symptoms doesn't mean there's been an allergic response. This is high-school level thinking, and it's clearly missing from everyone involved in this article.

As for the rest of the piece, it's just one nonsequitor after another. Goth black walls. Silver sleep screens. There's no explanation for how any of this is supposed to work. There's a line about how she was going to be seen by a dermatologist, but abruptly moved, instead. Doctors are grouped and anonymously quoted as saying "little scientific evidence to back up a link between EMF and poor health. They claim the symptoms, often attributed to flu or viruses, are psychosomatic."

Then the journalist pretends that's just 'one viewpoint', and offers the counter point of Rod Read, from Electro-Sensitivity UK, who says the doctors are wrong, and "the pathology is now established."

Well! Who needs a foundation in medicine, research, and physics when you've got Rod Read's assertions?

Flashback: College bans Wi-fi: No More Reckless Experimentation

Prescription free happiness, now available?! smiley offers a unisex and universal range of products with micro-nutrients to activate happiness. Its secret [cough cough] formula is based on natural bio-chemistry combining theobromine with phenylethylamine derived from pure cacao extract. this psycho-stimulant cocktail is available in a whole range of preparations using galencial pharmacology. A 100% medical look for a unique therapy, the range is revealed out of the confined box of the luxury perfume industry. this antidepressant remedty [sic] is to be consumed without moderation: in the shower, in the bath, for any specific use anytime you wish! the formuaes are preserved in exclusive perfume bottles developed by the prestigious glassmaking techniques of Saint Gobain and designed by Ora-ito. Nothing like it to containe [sic] the happy therapy!

In order to have everyone smile, even the most stubborn, smiley entrusted science with the composition of an olfactive substance with euphoriant bio-mechancis [sic]. It is in nature that the components of this psyco-active cocktail were drawn. thanks to research undertaken worldwide by scientists on the tangible benefits of aromatherapy, smiley isolated the ingredients recognized for their stimulating capacities and assembled them for the first time in a perfume. smiley contains monoaminated alkaloids having a pharmacodynamic action called phenylethylamine and theobromine. Phenylethylamine is to passion what endoerphin is to love. It sets off a feeling of joy, excitement and euphoria. Theobromine blocks the receivers of adrenalin and thus decreases the affects of stress by a comfortable feeling of well being. these two cariotonics associated together dope vitality and sets up the moral. It's that simple. What were we waiting for to flood these beneficial molecules on everyone?!!!

Golly-gee Mr. Ora-ito, what big words you use. Surely your product must work exactly as described, especially since it sounds all scientific and stuff. Never mind that theobromine has a "ten fold less stimulating effect to humans than caffeine," or that phenethylamine is a known skin irritant with a classic fishy odor. Exactly what part of your watered down caffeine and fishy skin irritation is supposed to instantly cure me of my depression?

Product Page . . . (warning: funkadelic Euro dance remix music)

(hat tip: Book of Joe)

Far riskier, though, is when academics use statistics to demonstrate a point that might be missed by the not-so-educated. For instance, these researchers have a clever, high-minded goal that could easily be misinterpreted:

Natural Sciences and Engineering Research Council grantee Peter Austin and three other researchers at the Institute for Clinical Evaluative Sciences in Toronto have just completed a survey of hospital visits in Ontario, showing that, compared to people born under other astrological signs, Virgos have an increased risk of vomiting during pregnancy, Pisces have an increased risk of heart failure, and Libras have an increased risk of fracturing their pelvises.

In fact, each of the 12 astrological signs had at least two medical disorders associated with them, thus placing people born under a given sign at increased risk compared to those born under different signs.

The study, which used data from 10,000,000 Ontario residents in 2000, was conducted with tongue firmly in cheek.

"Replace astrological signs with another characteristic such as gender or age, and immediately your mind starts to form explanations for the observed associations," says Austin. "Then we leap to conclusions, constructing reasons for why we saw the results we did. We did this study to prove a larger point -- the more we look for patterns, the more likely we are to find them, particularly when we don't begin with a particular question."

I was surprised to find other studies looking at this same question -- although their results were quite contradictory. Nancy Fenn at Tarot.com refers to a study conducted by Suncorp Metway, Ltd., an Australian financial service. Apparently Suncorp reviewed 160,000 accident claims over a three-year period, and found that Gemini were the worst drivers, followed by Taurus and Pisces. Meanwhile, she found, Capricorns are the best drivers, followed by Sagittarians and Scorpios.

The debate doesn't stop there. The Web site for Norwich Union, a British insurance company, has reprinted an article from June 2005 claiming that "fast and furious Leos reported the highest number of accidental damage claims," and that, along with Cancers (I have never had a claim, by the way), are "twice as likely to submit claims" as Geminis, Pisces and Sagittarians.

...There is an explanation for the differing views on astrological signs and the driving records and tendencies of the twelve groups. Carol Allen, one of the most respected astrologers in the country and the astrologer of choice to Hollywood's movers and shakers, explains that in astrology, the month of your birth may be less important than the position of the planets at a given time.

And laser energy is also coherent. All energy consists of waves of energy and in the light bulb these waves are not organized or in sync with each other. The waves of light energy produced by a laser are synched or in phase with each other. These characteristics make laser energy a truly unique form of light energy.

LLLT is used throughout the world and for the energy produced by the HairMax LaserComb there are no reported or known adverse side effects.

Here's the data the approval was based on (it's not in any peer-reviewed journal we could find, and the fact that this page refers to it as a 'miracle' makes me question its independence):

For the FDA submission, Lexington conducted an extensive clinical study in four different locations across the United States. The study concluded that 93% of the participants (ages 30-60) using the HairMax LaserComb had an increase in the number of terminal (thick) hairs. The average number of terminal hairs per square centimeter increased by 19 hairs/cm² over a six-month period. During the study, there were no reports of serious adverse events. The number and types of adverse events were similar in both the active and placebo groups.

How does this miracle work? Fortunately, treatments using the HairMax LaserComb are easy to administer, only 10 to 15 minutes three times per week, and the laser device is convenient to use in the comfort and privacy of your own home. HairMax has been precision-engineered into a compact device about the size of a curling iron. Just pass it through your hair three times a week for about ten minutes for optimal results. Of course, everybody is unique and results differ among individuals, but anecdotal trials have shown that over 90% of users experience positive benefits and are satisfied with the results they achieve. In general, about 45% of users see noticeable improvements in as little as 8 weeks of treatment. Another 45% realize benefits from 8 to 16 weeks. A small group of users take longer, seeing results around 16 weeks.

So after six months of 3-times-a-week use, laser users reported 19 more thick hairs per square centimeter, compared to sham groups. All this time, we thought they were pulling the wool over our eyes.

The lasercomb retails for over $600.

More from the FDA (pdf) and Lexington LaserComb, an apparently legitimate company...

Flashback: Smoke and Mirrors

The Doctor's Chocolate (list price $49.95 for 65 pieces) is apparently an all-natural dark chocolate and raspberry truffle that not only relieves anxiety but reduces PMS symptoms and heightens mental clarity, partly because it contains the amino acid L-theanine.

The literature refers to its "unique raspberry chocolate delivery system." I eat a sample piece but don't seem to feel any less agitated and wonder if the unique raspberry chocolate delivery system is working properly.

At another booth I see the StressBlocker ($342). This machine, I'm told, runs at a frequency of 9.216 MHz, encouraging the body to operate at an ideal internal frequency level of 12 to 25 Hertz. It also supposedly heals cuts and lesions "10 times faster than normal." I can't begin to imagine why every hospital trauma unit in North America isn't using a StressBlocker.
A little way on, I'm intrigued by the TurboSonic vibration therapy machine ($14,449), whose vibrations are claimed to restore sexual response, speed recovery from surgery trauma, increase bone density and reduce body fat and cellulite, among other fantastic things.

"But it just shakes you," I say to the man at the booth.

"Well," he says with a serious face, "it is a Class I medical device under the FDA." Far be it from me to be suspicious of a Class I medical device, but Class I simply means that a device represents minimal potential for harm to the user. It doesn't mean it actually works.

More from Whole Life...

The opportunity for this week's pseudoscience post has presented itself unexpectedly. Yesterday's Google Health News item just plainly said "West Nile Virus detected in Douglas." Really? Where did it come from? That wasn't hard to track, thanks to a 24 hour news cycle. The 170 related news articles have bravely taken us on an epidemiology adventure.

Immediately, it was clear that "West Nile Moves Into Stark County." That was our first strong lead. Could it have come from Brown County? Or from Orange County? Could the original source be in Grayson, Mesa, San Joaquin or Ventura counties? Probably not. Clearly, the combination of Cass county cases and the presence of the virus in Wayne county was giving us much broader picture. We had to do the interstate approach.

State Sen. Bob Peck, R-Riverton, Montana was diagnosed with West Nile virus. Ha, the Republican connection! We knew it. So it must be in the fly-over country. And it was: in Utah, North Dakota, Georgia and Texas. But not only peasants were affected. Chicagoans, Toledoans, and New Yorkers were also infected. As well, of course, as Mundeleiners.

The good news? West Nile cases down. And the bad? West Nile infections soar. And the real bad? West Nile Cases Increase During Fall.

So what to do? Enjoy the outdoors, but use precautions. After all, the third death in Utah and the second in Illinois is the scariest part of our story.